ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
