I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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