Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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