On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So squirting runs in the family.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
