I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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