maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
