am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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