uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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