Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
