dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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