Please, let me fuck your mom
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
