I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
