i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
