can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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