So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
