I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
