just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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