Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
