it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
