Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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