my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
