they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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