Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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