3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
