Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
