I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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