So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
