During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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