You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
