I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
