I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
