I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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