This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
