It's like God shit irony all over that family
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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