its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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