Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
