I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
