Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
