We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
