what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
