Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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