I can text with my tongue
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
