I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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