I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
