I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
