I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
