She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
3 2 1 whiskey
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
