Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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