I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
