he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
