I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
