we have pet lesbian snakes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
