I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
